plane, train or automobile rage

ever noticed how people get agitated or irritable on public transport?

ever felt aggressive to another driver who was following too close?

ever wanted to smack the guy sitting next to you on a plane!

welcome to plane, train or automobile rage!


thats right, you know the feeling, you are raging!

and you know why?

its a personal space issue. thats right, plain and simple, its a personal space issue.

everybody has them because everybody has a zone around themselves that they feel is theirs. it can be up to about 24 inches from you body, usually smaller if you've grown up in a city, and greatly exaggerated when driving a car (no one knows why this is!).

this space is viewed as your space, your territory and anybody that enters who is unwelcome triggers a primal defence mechanism. you start to feel defensive, wary and begin to get agitated. you don't like it and you want your space back. you may widen your legs to make yourself look bigger and a little scarier or you may take a step away. either way you are looking to regain the integrity of your personal zone.

ever wondered why an angry mob gets angry? personal space pressures. the more people in the mob, the less space there is and the more angry people begin to feel. that anger is then directed towards whatever the mobs target was.

i've been watching these personal space dynamics recently in an effort to spot how i can speed up comfort building with new people i meet. this may be work or socially orientated.

from what i've seen, small and short personal space intrusions are tolerated. its part of peoples lives that they will have to accept intrusions throughout the day to keep their day running. if you stopped and squared up to everyone that brushed past you, walked in front of you or tapped you on the shoulder you'd be locked away in solitary very very quickly! what isn't tolerated so much is held or long pause personal space intrusions.

with that in mind i've been experimenting. stepping forward towards someone and stepping away, applying a quick shoulder grab when laughing at someone’s joke, a slight elbow touch when walking past someone. anything that delivers a quick personal space intrusion and then swift exit before they get agitated or concerned by it.

so far its been working. its helped me build better rapport with some colleagues and speed up new friendships i've made. you can actually see the other person open up to you. their arms unfold, or legs uncross, their palms start to face you and they even lean into you by pointing a foot forwards.

all this stuff happens naturally so what i'm saying isn't some huge breakthrough, but what it does do is take maybe a 4 hour process and make it happen in 2!

the goal is for this to help me build my social and professional network quicker then i would normally. i may be able to walk out of a 2 hour business meeting having made some real business connections or leave a party afer only a drink or two with some new friends who will feel comfrotable with me calling them. so all in all its a good skill to have and it will help with me goals moving forward :)